Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize