I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
