so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
