Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Too much gin, very little bucket
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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