this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
