at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
