My underwear smells like fireworks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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