i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
