dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize