My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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