You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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