Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
