Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
