I'm lost and stupid without you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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