I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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