I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
