She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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