If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
