i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
