You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
