Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
