they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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