Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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