I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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