chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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