I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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