Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
