He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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