ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
