dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think my moral compass just broke
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
