Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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