I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
