There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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