Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
