Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
