you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
