It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
