He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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