My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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