yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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