he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
