cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
vagina is talking i cant
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
