Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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