We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
