listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
