He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
