Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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