I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
