Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
