the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
