wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
