NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
