I'm eating all of the evidence.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
