We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
