Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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