you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
