This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
