I hate all girls vehemently.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
