nut hugger
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
