he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize