We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
