dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
FUCK WHALES
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
