Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize