Soap is not a condiment
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
