I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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