She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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